big damn lj

God dammit

2009-12-10T20:23:51Z

My grandfather and step-grandmother are coming for Christmas.

Fuck this.

Okay, I've bitched about them on here before, I know I have. These people are family only in name. They've been absent from our lives for something like five or six years, and we've been completely okay with that.

But now, after exchanged letters full of half-assed explanations, excuses, and guilt-trips, they're coming down for three days.

They are NOT staying here. They are NOT staying for Christmas dinner. This much we do know.

And I am NOT pleased with this. Because if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is being guilt-tripped. And if they even try it, I will explode, and this will be a very un-merry Christmas for everyone.

FUCK.

D'aww.

2009-12-10T03:55:48Z

There must be an angel playing with my zfreelance.

Which song was this lyric from?

AHAHAHA, I DOUBT THAT.

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large roflcopter.

Which song was this lyric from?

ASLKFD

A little less dutch rudder, a little more action please.

Which song was this lyric from?

SOMEBODY STOP ME.

Z's Grand Adventure

2009-12-09T01:17:19Z

Ahaha, so I had a gypsy kind of day, today. I bribed my roommate, Ren, to into taking me down to the Social Security office to apply for a new card, so the lady in payroll will shut the hell up. It was a relatively painless process.

Afterwards, we went to get her car checked out, because the engine light had come on. Ren is no dummy, and was quizzing the guy on whether or not he was making up symptoms for her car so she would have to pay more. The guy got indignant, and Ren ignored him. Finally Ren agreed to let the car get checked out, and we went to go get some food at Hardee's. After that, we walked over to Walgreen's, where I promptly grabbed a Santa hat and put it on my head. Ren shopped around for Christmas presents, and I read magazines.

We were called back to the car shop, where they said that she needed a flush and an oil change. Ren coerced her father into paying for it, and we then marched across the street to browse a dying Blockbuster. We then went by Target, where we fought with lightsabers, messed with the electronics displays, and sat in the aisle to read more magazines.

We got the call that Ren's car was all better. We loaded up and sailed away to go pick up her paycheck and meander back to campus.

It was a gypsy kind of day because the day was warm and windy and wet (my favorite kind), and nothing felt better than to be dashing through traffic and wandering through stores with nothing in mind other than to kill time and just being bums.
I love the feeling of being outside the normal rhythm of things. You have no place to be, and no reason to hurry.

It's also funny, because many other people consider walking around a shopping area for hours with nothing else to do a living hell. They would get impatient and bored and frustrated very quickly. They might even feel stranded or cornered.

But Ren and I are both very easy-going people, and we had no problem entertaining ourselves.

I can't really describe why I had so much fun, today, doing nothing at all. I guess I'm just that kind of gal.

Half-Blood Prince is playing behind me...

2009-12-08T07:47:29Z

... so, naturally, I'm re-reading H/D fic that I should have recced ages ago.

Reparations by Sara's Girl.

H/D post-DH fic of magical proportions. READ. THIS. STORY.

Hmm.

2009-12-07T21:37:57Z

I'm reading Gravitation, and for a manga about a rock band, there seems to be a whole lot of gun fights and blood and violence going around. And idek about the giant mechanical panda.

ugh

2009-12-07T17:11:10Z

ME: So, Dad, has anyone seen the social security card that I called about a week ago that I cannot start RA training without?
DAD: I didn't know anyone was looking for it.
ME: You're getting coal for Christmas.

I am so tired of social security cards. IT IS NEVER MY FAULT THAT THEY GET LOST.

OMG NAVEL-GAZING

2009-12-07T06:24:25Z

Hi, guys. Ignore this next post.

Yeah, now that this is all nice and INCONSPICUOUS, GAWD, let the navel-gazing commence!

Today's subject is, of course, me. The time in which we return to is THE TEEN YEARS.

Yah, I'm all of a year past them, and I'm already looking back, going, "Omg, really?"

The thing that caused this bout of retrospect is anime.

SCENE ONE
Age 13

Me: A abnormally small, rather bizarre youngster. I'd had yet to hit my growth spurt, and I wouldn't reach puberty for another year. At this point, I had very few social skills and was very much a loner. I spent most of my time by myself, reading at every opportunity. I was probably very abrasive to the few people I talked to.

What Happened: I got a call to a girl's slumber party. It was completely out of the blue, and today I think it was probably a dare or something. Regardless. I went to my first slumber party, ever, where I met the girls who would be my friends until well into high school.

Who: They were cool, smart, and funny, and I had absolutely no idea as to why they wanted to hang out with me. But I went for it.

One of the girls brought her anime collection.

We, as a group, only knew about anime from Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z, so we were shocked to find something beyond Cartoon Network.

We stayed up all night and watched Bubblegum Crisis, Magic Knight Rayearth, and Rurouni Kenshin. And from then on, we were hooked. Also, they couldn't have gotten rid of me if they tried.

SCENE TWO
The Anime Exposition

Why: Anime wasn't big, then. I know it's hard to imagine, but there was a time when a bookstore's manga section was only half of a bookshelf, hidden in the back of the store. It didn't move much beyond Japan, and people my age did not use the internet. We still played Ocarina of Time on N64s, okay? These are old school years I'm talking about.

So, imagine yourself, a social reject all your life, finding a secret world that had been created by people just like you. Hell, it was for people just like me. It was a shock, I will not lie. But it was addicting. Not only were the shows far more convoluted and in-depth than anything America had to offer at the time (with the possible exception of Gargoyles), no one knew about them! All of a sudden, you had exclusivity and access that no one else in your school could boast. You were a cool kid!

Okay, not really. I was a nerd. Still am. But the fact remained that I found safety and happiness in numbers. The social rejects were organizing!

SCENE THREE
Age 15

Me: By now, puberty has hit with a vengeance, giving me curves that I had no idea what to do with. I'd always been strong for my size, so any interaction with boys had been of the physically violent kind. So imagine my surprise when people started assuming that I knew what the hell people were talking about, when they asked if I 'liked' someone. Social reject, remember?

By now, I know how to talk to people in a civil tone, even if I still get into fights with the particularly bitchy brats who attended school with me. This is because I have a group.

The group has expanded to include the male sex. All of us are rejects in one way or another, not capable or just unwilling to fit in with the socially acceptable crowds. We were weird, and we were proud of it. And something even more magical was happening. We were discovering that we did not give a damn what other people thought or said about us.

Anime: By now, I am deep in the anime/manga subculture. The entire movement is starting to pick up steam, bringing greater availability with it. Revolutionary Girl Utena, Samurai X, Angel Sanctuary, FAKE, Yami No Matsuei... If I could get my hands on it, I was watching it.
(Also, around this time, I discovered an AMAZING invention known as yaoi. I actually stumbled upon it by accident, while looking up Gundam Wing het fanfiction. But THAT is a story for another day.)

SCENE FOUR
Age 16

Me: By now I've made some personal changes. Puberty has shut the fuck up, allowing me to lose some weight, and I've made some other physical changes. I've cut off all my hair and started wearing colors other than black.
My personality is still in the works, however. While my social circle has expanded to other arts, such as band and drama kids, there was still very much an us-vs-them attitude to high school. As a result, I am still a very abrasive individual to those I do not like.

High school is interesting. You're thrown back into the mix with people who know you only as the kid you once were, and vice versa. Old hostilities remain until proven otherwise, and mine were not going to change any time soon.

No one was giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.

Anime: By now, anime is huge. Other outsiders like myself have begun finding acceptance and comfort in it. But by now, my obsession (and it WAS an obsession) has slowed. I no longer need it as a social enabler. I've gained the ability to talk to those who do not partake in anime and find things in common with them, anyway.

SCENE FIVE
Age 17

Me: It wasn't until after graduation that I realized that my friends and I had become slightly infamous. I was notorious for past run-ins with school administrators and the law, and my friends were no better. For lack of a better term, we were troublemakers.

And something strange began to happen. The 'preps' whom I hated so vehemently started to show what I first thought of as weakness. They were nice to me. Suspicious, I brushed it off. It's only now that I realize that what probably happened is that the other kids outside of my group became slightly afraid of me. Columbine and the Virginia Tech shootings had already happened, and everyone was suddenly aware that those kids they treated like crap were very, very angry.

I was no longer an angry child, looking to lash out. And neither was I an affection-starved kid, looking for a single scrap of kindness. I had grown beyond those people, and so I could only look at them with bewildered pity. Who did they think they were kidding?

Anime: By now, anime has fallen to the wayside. I'd shifted attention to school work (I know, right?), friends, college, and my impending year in France. I didn't need it as an escape, and I had other things to keep me occupied.

I'd like to think that I left it to those who came after me. A legacy.
(I even gave my extensive manga collection to my little sister)

FAST FORWARD THREE YEARS

Me: A lot happens in three years. Most of it has been recorded here, at one point or another.

Nowadays, I'm a focused student (despite my bitching), and I am very serious about my goals. Financial worries dominate a lot of my time, as I'm becoming more and more independent. I've lost friends, gained others, and still argue heartily with those who have stuck with me through the years. We're all way different from who we used to be, and we all have a lot of growing to do. But we're getting there.

And where does anime come into all of this?

Well, right now, it's a pleasant memory. I'm out of the loop for a lot of the modern stuff, and I'm mostly content to stay that way. But recently I've been skimming through some of my old pursuits and I've been pleasantly surprised to find that it's all still quite good. I've found some of the old music I listened to (Initial D, .hack, etc.) and every now and then it pops up on my playlist, making me laugh. I'm getting back into drawing, something else that fell to the wayside, and I'm trying some of this new-fangled manga on for size.

Slowly, oh so slowly, I'm trying to maybe get back into my anime stride. Because I'm old enough to make wearing an X/1999 shirt look pretty damn sexy. XD

Bye, guys!

The Joker Blogs

2009-12-06T23:06:47Z

... I think you get crazier as you watch them.

The Joker Blogs YouTube Channel

... watch with care.

(possibly the most appropriate use possible for this icon)

Stats is dead. Long live winter break!

2009-12-06T01:40:48Z

That's right, I have defeated Statistics. It can trouble me no longer.

And that concludes my final exam schedule for this semester. (I'm not counting my Psych test on Wednesday, because that was supposed to happen last Wednesday, and it's not cumulative.)

My concern now is two things. No one in my house can find my social security card, which I need to get on payroll for the RA job. I know exactly where my card is. It's in the pages of my passport. It's my passport that I do not know how to find because my mother organized my room in my absence, therefore guaranteeing that I'll never find anything, ever again.

My second concern is moving out of my current dorm room. The word on the street is that I have to completely move out before I go home for Christmas. I do not want to do this, because that would mean I would have to pack EVERYTHING up, cart it to Tally, just to bring it back in January.
With any luck, my current HD will let me pile my stuff on my bed or something, so it looks like I'm moved out, except I'm not.

Anyway. The rest is just sleeping in and throwing parties. WHOO.

Writer's Block: 2012

2009-12-05T20:49:39Z

If the world were going to end on December 21, 2012, how would you spend the last of your days on earth and why?

Submitted By rainwizard

View 683 Answers

I would be heavily intoxicated for my remaining days on Earth, in the hopes that I'll be dead before the hangover kicks in.

IMAGE FORMAT TYRANNY HAS NO PLACE HERE!

2009-12-04T19:21:06Z

So I was downloaded yaoi scanlations, because it goes without saying that I'm not studying for my Stats exam atm. They come in .zip or .rar files, which is cool. WinRar is free (for the most part).

But it's a crapshoot. Sometimes, the image format is .jpeg, in which case Windows Image Viewer can tackle it, no problem. That's useful, because it gives you a very smooth reading experience.

But sometimes the images are in .png. While this is my preferred format for my art, because the files don't deteriorate, Windows Image Viewer does not want. So I've had to open each file individually, via Adobe ImageReady. Can we say, pain in the ass?

Now, it's possible to convert those files in ImageReady, but I have to do it one at a time. LAME.

So I began scouring the net for a mass converter program that happened to be free. I found ReaConverter 5.5.

It's fast and easy and the literature says it can convert up to 300 images at once. You need the Pro version for the really shiny stuff, but if the work 'crack' means anything to you, then that is easier than pie.

Pie is difficult, ya'll.

Manga fail

2009-12-03T17:21:31Z

So, I was catching up on Wolf's Rain via Mangafox and YouTube, an old favorite of mine from back when they played anime on Adult Swim on Saturday nights.

I forgot how depressing it can be, as an anime. Cowboy Bebop and Samurai X do that to me, too. But there is something about the final scene and the music that just makes me go, "Urk" and cry. Inside. I cried inside. Not in real life. I swear.

::Spoilers for EVREYTHING. Watch it anyway.::

I have the song on my computer now, but still. There is something about the imagery.
Also, guess who's got wanderlust again?

ANYWAY. THAT'S NOT THE POINT. My point is that I went to bed kinda weird and depressed and restless and I woke up hungover.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR. I PREFER TO DRINK BEFORE THE HANGOVER, THANKS SO MUCH.

Alcoholic stray dogs represent!

This LJ Needs More Gay Sex

2009-12-03T07:03:48Z

NOTES TO ME:

- Download and play the shit out of Sweet Pool and Togainu no Chi. FER SERIOUS.

- Read Wolf's Rain

- Continue to think about costume for Dragon*Con.

- Research latest manga titles. Find something worth reading.

- Find and have sex with Adam Lambert and Taylor Lautner. Preferably at the same time.

- Get out of jail.

- Get some more yaoi in your life. GO BACK TO YOUR ROOTS, CHILD. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

LOL College

2009-12-02T15:39:47Z

Oh, college. You always manage to make doing any work seem redundant.

So I was actually studying last night (I know, right) and then I fell asleep around 3. At 5am, a storm blew in that woke me up and made me think I was about to die.

I wake up again at 8, to find the electricity out and the internet on the fritz. I decide to go to the cafeteria, where there should be light and I can eat and cram at the same time. Then, the lights come back on. My roommate comes through the door, saying that the word was that all 10 o'clock classes were canceled, due to power outages. We check Facebook, because it's not like the school's going to update us in a timely manner. And yup. No class.

I'd already resolved to not go to my other two classes, today, so I'm like, "Dude."

Also, my test has been moved to a week from now.

Uh, can anyone say, "Day for doing jack-all?" Because I can.

Update: Just got another text, saying that classes resume at 10:30. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Do I have my test, after all, or just that 11:30 classes are up and running?
GOD DAMMIT, COLLEGE. MAKE SENSE.

Maaaan, it's that responsibility crap again...

2009-12-01T18:42:25Z

Ugh. I have a rough draft of my final paper due at 4 today, which is half done. I have a final Psych test to study for, and I haven't finished the study questions or read the chapter. I have a Stats final on Saturday, and I still need to finish the practice test.

But I have the first three episodes of Noein loaded up on my computer, so guess what I'm probably gonna end up doing.

AUGH. SCHOOL. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME BE ADULT ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Desert Vampires

2009-11-30T00:29:43Z

There is something just plain awesome about them.

Still Life with Roads by ninberries.

The Forsaken (I recced this movie, remember?) write-up with some yummy slash tossed in for seasoning. I like it.

Oh, Turkey Day.

2009-11-29T06:24:03Z

Thanksgiving write-up:

I came. I saw. I ate it. The end.

My family has a tradition where everyone makes at least one dish for Thanksgiving dinner. My dishes were sausage balls (a heady mix of sausage, Bisquick, grated cheese, and a leetle bit of onion, roll into balls, bake, eat, get fat, repeat) and sweet potato pecan pie.
We had turkey and squash and broccoli casserole and dressing and gravy and we all rolled away from the table. Afterwards we played Blockus, which is like a downright cutthroat board game of Tetris.
I also probably drank too much champagne, because I'm pretty sure that I was hungover when I got up at 9 to go see Boondock Saints II and New Moon. Which was worth it.
Then my ride back to Pensacola fell through, again. But at least he had the courtesy to let me know before the fact. So tomorrow I drive back with my sister, who will then drive the car back to Tally.

I have all of one exam, which is this coming Saturday. So don't ask me what my plans are, after that, because I do not know.

Anyway. Good Thanksgiving.

I'm kind of in love with this one...

2009-11-28T05:02:11Z

repeat offender by seperis.

Star Trek IX Spock 'n Kirk. It's deep and it's tough and if ever you felt like a victim as a kid, it's cathartic. Also, sex.

YAWN

2009-11-28T04:12:27Z

Dear Self,

Quit eating yourself into comas, or you'll undo all of your good work and you'll be fat again.
Also, write your Lit paper.

I'm watching you.
-Z

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-27T04:30:20Z

Dear Non-Americans,

I'm pretty sure that the idea of Thanksgiving is strange to you. Those crazy Americans are celebrating a past meal their ancestors shared with the Indians, who were kind enough to share their harvest when our ancestors would have starved, that we later raped, pillaged, and plundered? Also, smallpox? Jesus Christ, America! The world was just getting over Bush!

Okay, guys, that's the demi-historical basis, sure. Just like Christmas is Jesus's birthday, when studies have placed his birth somewhere midspring.

So, that's out.

The Hallmark justification for Thanksgiving is to give thanks for everything you have. And if there's one thing people are good at, it's being content with what you have.

Uh-huh.

So here's my theory behind this bizarre holiday of no religious value. It's really about is eating WAY TOO MUCH food with friends and family. And it's the only true American holiday. There's no religious implications, no secular ideals or rituals, no special forms to fill out so you can miss school. It's something all Americans have in common. We live here. We may not have a lot, or we may have too much. We may have just moved here in the past week, or our ancestors may have crossed the Bering Strait to settle here, thousands of years ago.
Whatever, whoever we are, we're Americans. And we've all been given an excuse to revel in it.

But don't think this is just us. Every nation in the world has celebrations like these. You're not remembering some great battle or conflict. You don't have to go to church for it. It's just part of who you are, as a nation, and it's your chance to flaunt it and enjoy what it is to be who you are. It's a cultural holiday. I would not understand the depth of meaning behind it, but you sure as hell do, and that's enough for you.

So, to those beyond our borders, I wish you well in your own celebrations. And to one and all, Happy Thanksgiving.

Love,
Z

TO BOLDLY GO SOMEPLACE ELSE

2009-11-24T04:26:35Z

Oh, my goodness, she wrote more.

Looking For A Place To Happen: Master Post by waketosleep.

Star Trek IX AU about Kirk and Spock and the gang being space pirates and starting intergalactic wars and having sexy tiems, not necessarily in that order. I almost want to call it a Firefly cross-over, but it so isn't. It is original and delicious.

I don't remember if I posted the first portion (then just a vignette) of this story, but if I didn't, ETERNAL SHAME UPON MY ANCESTORS.

Manda?

2009-11-23T05:38:32Z

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

THIS IS FOR REALZ

2009-11-21T23:28:36Z

PRIDE & PREJUDICE IS AWESOME WITH EMOTICONS!

!!!!!!

Dear Homework: You're boring.

2009-11-21T20:35:18Z

Bah. My math homework program continues to fuck up, not recording my results when I finish the section. I saved two screen shots from two sections where this occurred, but one got corrupted. So, I have to do two more homework assignments, one that I spent all day yesterday on, as well as study for my test on Monday. And there's no guarantee that my professor (who's English barely passes muster, some days) will believe that this is the program and not me Photoshopping my way to an 'A'.
Hah. If only.

So. Good times, there.

I'm pretty much kicking back, today. I spent all yesterday fighting with my math homework, and I have no desire to do the same, today. Today is a day for laziness, reading, and tea. It's supposed to rain all day, I got free Chickfila for breakfast, and I just do not give a damn.

Happy Saturday.

My retro-fandom! How I've missed you!

2009-11-21T06:33:01Z

Ahhh, SG-1. You will never not be awesome to me.

Gone Fishin' by kaiz

After saving the world again, Jack finally gets to go fishing. Takes place immediately following: Small Victories. Jack/Thor, Jack/OMC, Jack/Daniel (UST), Drama/Fantasy/Romance, Rated R. [237k]

I drank this sucker down like it was water.